This is the start point of my blog journey, all things associated with my beloved George whom we lost so suddenly and tragically on 7th October 2018. I am so reflective as this time of the month and year as we are about to see our daughter Lucinda off to Cirencester to commence her Freshers Week.
The lead up to this point has been to be blunt, pretty tough. This time a year ago, I was frantically sewing on nametapes, buying George his favourite snacks, stationary, etc. Then, there was my last hug from him next to his red Volkswagen Golf and he drove away from here that September day. He tooted his horn and went off down the drive just after his dog Alfie licked him goodbye. We chatted on his journey south and then bang into the excitement of Freshers Week and the challenges of drinking games, assault courses, meeting with dyslexia tutors and finalising his grant.
I had irregular texts which I have kept and tortured myself with, especially just now re-reading them to recall these moments from this time last year. He was loving it: the new friends, winning the Student Challenge Cup as part of the Bradford Hall Team, dressing up in a girl’s dress and sending me the image for whichever theme that night was! Then he was off to the Freshers Ball on Friday 5th October – I got my last photo of him looking so handsome and dapper in his tartan trousers – he was so proud to show off his Scottish heritage at any black-tie event. We chatted the next day in the car when I had his sister Lucinda next to me, so we both chatted back and forth – him telling her what to look forward to for this time next year little sis!
And that was it – I never heard his voice again after 6th October 2018. He was knocked down at 4.10am on 7th October and being misidentified, the wrong parents were called in to see a young man that was not their boy; gosh, they got the lottery ticket of their life that day. Any mum and dad doing that, well, horrific and words cannot describe it or comprehend it and I hope, I wish that nobody ever had to, but sadly – so sadly – we don’t live in a world that it is our privilege or expectation that our children will all make it to a happy adulthood life.
So next, Lu and I arrive back at 7pm on Sunday evening from Askham Bryan event. Lu unloads the two horses and I head up to the house. The police come very shortly after this and tell me on my own that George Crawford is dead. I said no and showed them my Moon Pig card that George and Lu had sent me on my birthday earlier in the year that had a huge photo on the front of it of three of us together at a ball, him in his tartan trousers.
The rest many of you know and the awful unbelievable news leaked out to a shocked and stunned audience. On one of the very poignant memories around that time was going down to Harper Adams to see George’s room a week later. So, I stepped into the room that still held the smell of him, his black-tie clothes lay in a direct ‘just stepped out of’ pile on the floor. Those with boys will be familiar with this! I picked them up and hugged them to me then just lay on his bed for I don’t know how long. I looked around at all that was familiar and a lot that wasn’t and wept the tears from my soul of a mother’s loss.
So back to the current time and I have been shopping for Lucinda’s favourite food, bedding items, toiletries – we all know us mum’s drill! She is so excited packing up her car and playing with our beloved dog Otto, but God, it is hard. Here we go again; can she understand how many texts and phone calls I will wish to receive to reassure me in the days ahead that she is alive, but I can’t suffocate her and as she rightly reminds me, she isn’t George.
George’s red VW Golf sits here at the office car park. I drove it yesterday to keep the battery from dying – oh, if only it could have been so easy to have kept my boy’s lifeblood flowing.
The house, well we are familiar with quiet then busy homes, but I know this is going to take a whole load of new adjustment. So, I will ride my horse, go to work and smother my dog Otto with love. I feel so many broken bits in my heart but the saying life has to go on, so I will try to keep doing some blogs on how life goes on in this different upside-down kind of world that Cameron, Lu and I move in these days.
I will try to be mindful to not make them tear-jerking posts, this is just a bloody tricky week and there is a few more ahead until that 7th October 2019 day rolls around this year.